i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
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