Where did you get a picture of my penis
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
