my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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