Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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