and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he shaved USA in his pubs
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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