Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
