well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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