I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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