I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
