is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
