Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
