How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
