Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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