Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
