I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
