Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
