do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
