the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
