Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
