i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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