i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
