smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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