I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
there is glitter all over my balls
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
