After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
