Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
