Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
