Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I deserve this hangover.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
