Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
