people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
