This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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