Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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