i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
