It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
