Sry I called you an 8
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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