I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
