Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
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