You're my little dorito
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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