he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
