You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
