He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
