this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
