did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
