Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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