Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
