fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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