I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
