Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
