my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
worst night to have a conscience
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
