i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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