My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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