I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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