I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
