Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
