He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
