Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
