saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
