Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
